


Crying For The Moon

by MadMalice



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Drama, F/F, Fluff, Supernatural Elements, Werewolf Lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 20:02:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6391357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadMalice/pseuds/MadMalice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Lexa meet at the hospital where Clarke works, and after a rough introduction, find that they have a lot in common - with the exception of one fact: Lexa is a werewolf.</p><p>This is my first attempt at writing a multi-chapter fan fiction, but I'm doing the best I can. There will be lots of fluff and a little bit of angst and a bit of drama. Please leave comments and let me know what you think of it? I'd really appreciate feedback :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just the introduction, set 3 years before the main storyline. It's important for later.  
> We meet Lexa here, where she wakes up in the forest with no idea how she got there.
> 
> (This first chapter is a bit short, but the later ones will be longer, i promise. Also we will meet Clarke next chapter dont worry)

Lexa woke with a start, shivering. She sat up, and immediately realised why she was so cold - She was outside, in the middle of a forest. The dawn air was crisp, and she could feel the ground beneath her, damp with morning dew.  
The other thing Lexa noticed almost immediately was that her clothes were missing, and she was covered in dirt - as well as what she could only assume was dried blood. Was it hers or someone else's? Lexa didn't know which option was worse. 

She strained to recall the events of the previous night, but failed. She remembered nothing, except that she had been in pain. Her body still ached even now - her shoulders felt stiff and her legs hurt to move - but last night had been something else entirely. It had been excruciating, like nothing she had ever felt before. 

Fighting the rising panic in her chest, Lexa stood slowly, looking around. She was in a clearing of small trees, a lot of which were broken, or had large claw marks across the trunks. Fear rose up in her throat as she realised that she had no idea where she was - completely lost, naked and alone. Lexa wondered if anyone had noticed she was missing yet. Her mother, maybe? Her girlfriend?

As she scanned the forest around her she noticed several larger trees, each with deep scratches, and often a dark red stain not unlike the ones that currently adorned her body. Through a gap in the trees, she spotted a rough walking track just a little ways off. Doing her best to cover herself with her arms, she carefully set off towards the path. 

Lexa walked through the forest in silence, bare feet aching on the rough track. After half an hour or so, the track ended at a campsite. There were two mid-size tents, and an SUV; back-seat and boot full of provisions.  
"Hello?" Lexa took a tentative step forward., "Excuse me? Can someone help me?"  
No response came, and after waiting another minute, Lexa cautiously ventured into the campsite. 

She suddenly realised why no-one had heard her calling; There was no-one here. From her hiding place in the bushes, Lexa hadn't noticed the claw-marks on the side of the car, nor the ripped tent. She figured that whatever had destroyed the trees in the clearing had made its way to the campsite, and probably come across some very unlucky hikers. She shivered at the thought.

Taking a thick, yellow blanket from the ruined tent, Lexa wrapped herself up, glad to be covered up and protected from the cold - at least a little. Actual pants and a jacket would perhaps be warmer, but it was still better than being naked.  
Feeling a little safer, but not by much, Lexa tried the car door.  
"Damn it." Locked. She had hoped there might be a phone or a radio inside that she could use to call for help, or even a map to tell her which way to go. Whatever animal had been in the woods last night, luckily hadn't found her yet, but she was afraid that the beast might still be around. The sooner she was home safe with her girlfriend, the better.  
She knew that the car had to have driven in from somewhere, and a quick exploration of the campsite revealed a muddy track, much wider than the walking path, decorated with tire-marks. Fearing whatever creature lurked in the woods, and eager to get home, she wrapped the blanket tight around her shoulders and started off again.

The road from the campsite was long, and she encountered no other vehicles or people along the way. Once or twice she thought she heard movement in the bushes, and she reflexively crouched down to hide - not that it would have done her much good. Being wrapped up in a garish mustard-coloured blanket probably ruined all her camouflage potential, but luckily there was no sign of anything coming to get her.

After almost an hour of walking, the forest began to thin, and the dried mud beneath her feet became compacted dirt. Lexa's legs were already sore, and the seemingly endless walking was certainly not doing her any favours, but she could not afford to stop. Another twenty minutes passed and the dirt became asphalt, and Lexa began to hear the sounds of a highway.

Running the last half a mile, the road eventually cleared the trees, and Lexa could see the highway - she even recognised the signs on the side of the road. She was probably only a thirty minute drive from the city, from her home; but on foot that trip would take over an hour. Tears welled up in her eyes but she pushed them down again. Now was not the time for crying, she could do that all she liked once she was safe at home. For now, she just needed to get home. 

She quickly ran through her options: Walking would take too long. She couldn't hitchhike, it was too dangerous. She had no phone to call her girlfriend, but…  
She looked around for a payphone - there were sometimes free-to-use phones on the side of highways, in case a car broke down, or there was some kind of accident. She had always assumed they had been left over from a time when people didn't have mobile phones, but this time she found herself desperately hoping that there was one nearby.

And there was. She could see it, a small blue box attached to a pole, with a little phone symbol painted on the front in white.  
Lexa hurried to the phone and picked up the receiver. Hands shaking, she mashed in the phone number of the only person she wanted to speak to. Once again, her eyes began to water, but she didn't try to stop herself this time. The tone rang four times… five… six...  
"Come on, pick up.. Pick up…"  
Seven… Click.  
"Hello?"  
"Costia? Oh thank god, Costia it's me, it's Lexa." Her eyes welled up even more and for the first time since she woke up, her emotions and her fear hit her and she started to cry.  
"LEXA? Oh my god where are you? I've been trying to call you all morning, no-ones heard from you since last night! Are you okay?"  
Still sobbing, Lexa felt a wave of relief at sound of Costia's voice.  
"I don't know what happened, I just- I woke up in the middle of a forest and I don't remember any of last night and-"  
"It's okay Lexa, breathe." Lexa took a deep breath, still shaking. Costia spoke again. "Where are you now? I'll come get you."  
Lexa looked around for any identifying landmarks, but found none.  
"I- I don't know… I'm somewhere along the highway, south of town. Just drive along the road and I'm here - Big yellow blanket, you can't miss me."  
Lexa heard the jangling of keys and the slamming of a door in the background, followed by her girlfriend's voice again  
"Okay, I'm on my way. Just hold tight."  
"Thank you…"  
Lexa heard Costia hang up, but kept the phone to her ear as tears of relief dripped down her face. Costia was coming to get her. She was going to be okay.  
Everything was going to be okay.


	2. Three Years Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three years after Lexa's woodland adventure, we meet Clarke - who in turn, meets Lexa.
> 
> I don't know exactly how future chapters are gonna go, but I can safely say its not gonna be a slow burn. It just wont be particularly fast either.
> 
> (sorry again for the short chapters, I'm trying to get better)

Today of all days, the hospital was especially busy. Clarke didn't know why, but somehow there were a lot of people coming in with complaints of various illnesses, ailments or injuries - Not to mention all the existing patients that needed looking after.  
Already this morning she had tended to several cases of food poisoning, a broken wrist, a heart attack, and a young pregnant woman with no family to help her, It wasn't anything she couldn't handle, but the pace was keeping her extremely busy.

She had been a nurse at the hospital for less than a month, fresh out of university, and she was already exhausted. Her mother - Dr. Abigail Griffin - was Chief Resident here, and had ensured Clarke a job at the hospital following graduation. Abby had wanted Clarke to be a doctor like herself, but Clarke had never had the grades for it.  
Despite the seamless jump from student to nurse, Clarke sometimes found it hard to keep up with the doctors and the other nurses that had been working there much longer than she had.  
After attempting four times to go to lunch, and being repeatedly stopped by doctors, nurses and patients, Clarke finally found a quiet moment to herself in the staff break room. For the first time in seven hours, no-one was around to bother her, and she finally sprawled out on the couch to relax. 

"Taking a nap are we?" Clarke's eyes shot open to reveal her mother standing two feet away, looking severely unimpressed.  
"I'm on break." Clarke closed her eyes again, hoping to fall asleep before Abby could keep talking.  
"While there are sick people to take care of, you don't have time to be on break"  
"Mom, I've been working for seven hours non-stop. Can I have just ten minutes to close my eyes?"  
Abby paused, her eyebrows raised. "There's a young woman in room 16B and she needs to be cleared and sent home. I'd like you to see to her when you're finished resting."  
Clarke nodded and closed her eyes again. She heard her mother's footsteps walking away, and her voice as she left the room.  
"And get something to eat. I know you didn't have breakfast this morning, and I will not have my daughter passing out at work."

***

Twenty minutes later, Clarke entered room 16B to find the girl already siting upright, as if she had been expecting her. She was young - Clarke estimated her to be no more than a year older than herself - and her hair was long and brown, tucked into a neat braid that fell in front of her shoulder. She was beautiful, despite the unflattering hospital gown and light scarring on her lower lip; Clarke assumed it was from whatever had landed her in the hospital bed.  
"Lexa Woods?"  
"Yes." Her voice was soft, but powerful. Clarke looked at her and made eye contact again. Lexa's piercing brown eyes were still on her, and Clarke couldn't decide if the girl was angry or scared.  
"I'm nurse Griffin. How are you feeling?"  
"I feel fine." Her words were blunt. "When am I allowed to go home?"  
"We still have a few things to check before we can send you home, but hopefully soon."  
The girl paused, her brown eyes still fixed on Clarke.  
"Thank you."  
Clarke nodded. She walked to the foot of Lexa's bed, where she picked up the girl's medical chart and read through it. 

__

Name: Alexandra Woods  
__

  
_Date of Birth: December 3, 1993_  
__  
_Admitted: 5:16am, March 14, 2016_  
__  
_Reason: Found unconscious and unclothed in the Trikru Forest, off main highway. Shoulders & upper arms covered in small abrasions, mid-sized bruise on shin, cut on lower lip - no severe wounds_  
__  
_Notes: Patient claims with some confidence that she has no memory of being out in the forest last night._  
__

Clarke found herself somewhat confused and intrigued. This girl seemed incredibly calm, given her situation. She had been found by hikers in a forest, naked and somewhat injured, and had now woken up in a hospital with no memory as to how she got here. And yet, here she sat, politely waiting for Clarke to clear her and send her home.  
Clarke opened her mouth to ask, but thought better of it. Instead, she continued with her job - taking Lexa's blood pressure and heart rate was simple, and she checked the girl for any serious remaining injuries, but found nothing. Her temperature was perhaps a little high, but she didn't appear to be suffering for it.

"Do you have anyone we can call to come pick you up? A parent, or a partner maybe?"  
For the first time since she entered the room, Clarke saw Lexa look away from her. The girl had chosen instead to lower her eyes, and began absentmindedly playing with her hands.  
"No partner. My sister is downstairs."  
"Okay, well you seem alright to go home, but take it easy for a few days." She saw Lexa nod quietly, so she continued "I'll send your sister up so you can get changed. I'll be back with your paperwork in half an hour to sign you out."  
"Thank you."  
Clarke turned to leave, but a voice from behind her made her stop  
"What's your name?"  
Clarke swivelled on one foot to face the brunette.  
"Pardon?"  
"Your name. Your badge says C. Griffin."  
Her question caught Clarke off guard.  
"Um… Clarke. Clarke Griffin."  
Lexa hesitated, looking unsure of what to say next.  
"Thank you, Clarke.  
Clarke nodded in acknowledgement. She half-smiled at Lexa before turning around and leaving the strange brunette on her own once again.

***

"What the hell happened out there Lex? You haven't managed to escape the barn since…" Anya hesitated. "You're lucky no-one was hurt."  
"I know. I remember." Lexa stared out of the window of her sister's car, as they pulled out of the hospital parking lot. "And I'm not sure what happened. Maybe one of the windows broke, I'm not sure."  
There was a moment of quiet, and then Anya spoke up again.  
"We'll drive out to the barn tomorrow morning and pick up your bike." Lexa nodded distractedly in agreement "And we'll see if we can figure out how yo- how the wolf got out."  
Lexa said nothing, but she could see Anya through the window's reflection, looking concerned. Anya never said it out loud, but Lexa knew that her older sister worried about her, especially since she had found out about Lexa's… condition.  
Her sister had always been there to help and look after her, even at her own expense, which Lexa often felt guilty for.

The silence in the car lasted most of the drive home. Lexa could hear Anya absentmindedly humming to the metal band radio while she drove, while Lexa remained in her own head, mentally kicking herself.  
How had she gotten out of the barn? Had she forgotten to lock one of the doors properly? Had the beast broken a window somehow? It didn't matter how. It mattered that she fixed it, so that it wouldn't happen again.  
It shouldn't have happened in the first place, a little part of her brain said. And it was right - she had gotten incredibly lucky in not hurting anyone this time, but she couldn't always rely on luck. That's how people get hurt, or killed. Or worse.

It had been nearly three year since Lexa herself had been infected, and she could not think of anything worse than sharing her affliction with another person. This curse, this rabid animal inside her, had destroyed or driven away everything Lexa cared about. Everyone she loved was gone.  
Everyone except her sister, and even Anya didn't really understand what Lexa had been through. No-one did, not anymore.

***

Clarke wandered into the living room and flopped down onto the couch. It had been hours since her attempted nap this morning at the hospital, and she was glad to finally close her eyes and rest.  
She thought of the girl in room 16B, far too calm for someone found naked in a forest. And the girl's sister, who seemed to know more about the situation than she let on. And her eyes. Those piercing brown eyes that seemed to be searching Clarke's face for something…  
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of limping footsteps - followed by the voice of her housemate, Raven, from the armchair on the other side of the room.

"How was work?"  
"Exhausting." Clarke turned to look at Raven, who was now attempting to lift her left leg up to rest it on the table in the centre of the room. The nerves in her leg had been irreparably damaged in a car accident six months ago, and ever since then she had been required to wear a leg brace in order to walk.  
"How's your leg?"  
"Still sucks. But I've been back at work for a month now and it hasn't impacted my ability to fix shit so whatever." Raven worked at the local car garage as a mechanic, fixing card and motorbikes for a living. She had never let her injury get the better of her - and she was right, it didn't stop her from fixing engines - but Clarke could tell that she resented the handicap all the same. 

Raven leaned back in her chair and popped the cap off a cold beer.  
"So no fun stories from the hospital today?" Raven inquired "Anyone throw up on you?"  
"Ugh, no. Thank god." Clarke thought for a moment. "There was one girl though…"  
Out of the corner of her eye, Clarke saw Raven perk up.  
"Ooooh Clarke has a crush!" Raven laughed as Clarke scowled at her.  
"I do not. She was just interesting, thats all." Clarke paused. "Some hikers found her unconscious in the forest this morning and- I don't know. She was very calm about everything."  
"Why was she in the forest?"  
Clarke shrugged.  
"She says she doesn't remember."  
"Spooky." Raven took a sip of her beer. "Was she cute?"  
"Raven!"  
Raven put her hands up in defence. "Hey, I'm just asking."  
Saying nothing, Clarke rolled her eyes at Raven, who grinned.  
"You totally thought she was cute."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled with this chapter a bit, just not sure how best to write some of these scenes, but i feel like it came out pretty well in the end. The conversation with Raven at the end feels a little rushed but i tried to fix it and couldnt quite figure out how. Anyways.  
> (p.s i dont know how to format anything on this damn site ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ )
> 
> Next time: Clarke and Lexa meet again, and there's coffee.
> 
> Once again, I always appreciate feedback and comments - let me know what you thought!


	3. Polis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa meet for a second time and they're both awkward as hell

It had been four days since Lexa had left the hospital, and so much had happened since. Normally, the days after her transformation was Lexa's recovery time - the change put immense physical strain on her body, and she was always exhausted and sore. But this month, despite her aching muscles and bruised hip, Lexa had no time to rest or relax. 

The day after leaving hospital, she had returned to the barn with Anya to collect her motorbike, and solve the mystery of how she - no, the wolf - had gotten out of the barn.  
Her bike was unharmed, thankfully. Whatever else the wolf had destroyed that night, her motorbike had been left out of the casualties; A fact for which Lexa counted herself incredibly lucky. Without her bike, she would be forced to rely on Anya to drive her everywhere.

After a thorough half hour inspection, they discovered that the escape had been as Lexa suspected; a broken window, just above an large pile of old firewood. Just high enough to climb up, she supposed.  
She spent a number of hours balanced on a ladder, boarding up the window on both sides. She checked the other windows in the barn as well, to make sure that there was no way for the creature to escape next time. 

Afterwards, Lexa rode back home, thoughts spinning in her head. How many times was she going to have to re-wolf proof the old barn? How long until she hurt someone? She was trying so hard to make it work but…  
She sighed. Beating herself up about the past wasn't going to help anything or anyone. All she could do was to keep her head down and keep moving.

The days after that, she had been back at work, taking the late afternoon shift at a local bar. A trendy place called Polis, it was the kind of place that decorated its walls with fairy lights and local artwork. Everything was made of wood, except the walls, which were concrete, painted white to look fancy.  
After the events of the full moon, she was always glad to be back at work - back to normal, even for a little while. Serving drinks, making casual conversation with the regulars, even drinking with them on occasion. Normal was nice.

"Whisky, please." An older man sitting at the counter smiled at her and laughed "Actually, I might just take the bottle."  
Lexa smiled warmly. She knew this man well, with his old torn up leather jacket and his facial tattoos. But despite his threatening appearance, he was one of the nicest people she knew. Gustus had been a valued regular at Polis for some eight months, and everyone who worked there knew that he didn't like to drink alone. 

She placed the bottle of golden liquid in front of him, followed by two glasses. The man's eyebrow's went up.  
"Are you joining me tonight, Lex?" He chuckled.  
"Just one for now, Gustus. But we'll see how the night progresses. The last few days have been really kicking my ass."  
Gustus said nothing, but simply nodded thoughtfully. Lexa poured out two glasses and they clinked their cups together.

As the burning sensation of whiskey left Lexa's throat, she heard the door open and a group of people shuffled in. There were four of them talking loudly. Most of them she didn't know - A dark-skinned man and a brunette woman, as well as a woman in a grease stained jumpsuit that Lexa recognised from the mechanic's garage three blocks north. 

But the last girl, the blonde one, was familiar. It look Lexa a moment to recognise her without the scrubs and her hair in a messy bun. She knew she had seen this girl before but it wasn't until she overheard the girl's voice that she realised where they had met.  
It was the nurse from the hospital.

***

"Clarke… Earth to Clarke… Hey, Princess!"  
Clarke snapped out of her daydream and came face to face with Raven.  
"Pardon?" Clarke had been miles away, completely missing the last few minutes of conversation. Raven rolled her eyes at her and repeated the question.  
"Are you okay to pay for the next round?" Raven said "My pay won't hit my account until 9 and these two have already covered a round each."  
She indicated to the man and woman sitting across the table from them.

The girl, Octavia, had once been Clarke and Raven's housemate, until she had moved into an apartment in the city with Lincoln, her fiancé. The two of them were regulars at Polis, and tonight had invited the girls to join them in their evening of drinking. 

Clarke stood up, shaking her head mockingly at her friends, and made her way to the bar. Behind the bar, facing the other side of the room, was a tall brunette woman.  
"Hi, can I get another round of drinks for my table please?"  
The bartender turned to face her, and Clarke's eyes widened in surprise. She knew this girl. They both paused, but Clarke was the first to speak.

"Lexa, right? You're the girl from the hospital the other day."  
The brunette nodded and brushed her hair out of her face.  
"You're Clarke." She was flattered that this girl had remembered her name, and she couldn't help but smile. "Funny seeing you here."  
Lexa pulled out 4 glasses and poured beer into them, one by one, setting them on a tray.

"How are you feeling? After the other day?" Clarke wasn't sure if it was too weird to be asking, but the words escaped her mouth before she could stop them.  
"Much better, thank you."  
There was a silence between them as Lexa finished filling the cups.  
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned it" Clarke managed to say eventually "It's just strange seeing you here and I wanted to check if you were alright and-"  
"It's okay, really. It was sweet of you to check on me."  
This time they both smiled.

Clarke returned to her friends and sat down, placing the tray on the table. It took her a moment to notice them all silently staring at her. Her gaze shifted to each of them in turn, and eventually back to Raven. They stared at each other for a moment, until Clarke spoke.  
"What?"  
"What do you mean 'what'?" Raven said "You were chatting up that cute bartender. Thats what."  
Clarke rolled her eyes.  
"I was not."  
"You totally were, we all saw you." Octavia chimed in, smirking.  
"I was not chatting her up. She was at the hospital the other day, I just recognised her and asked her how she was holding up, thats all."  
Octavia and Lincoln clearly did not believe this answer, but seemed satisfied all the same. Raven, on the other hand, was not quite finished.  
"Whoa whoa, was this the girl you were telling me about? The one they found in the forest?"

Clarke quickly looked around to see if Lexa had heard Raven speak, but she was busy talking to heavily tattooed customer on the other side of the bar.  
"Yes Raven, but you don''t have to say it so loud. She seemed pretty upset the other day."  
Raven, her usual self, wasn't listening.  
"That's her??? Clarke, no wonder you were still thinking about her when you got home! She's cute!" Raven affectionately punched Clarke in the shoulder "You should totally ask her out."

Lincoln saw this as his moment to intervene, his deep voice catching the whole table's attention.  
"Ladies, come on." He gave them both a stern look "Raven, stop telling Clarke what to do with her love life"  
Clarke nodded at lincoln, and opened her mouth to speak. Lincoln however, wasn't finished.  
"And you Clarke, need to start having a love life."  
"Ha!" Raven laughed.

The night continued on, the topic of conversation changing constantly over the course of the evening. They discussed Raven's job and Octavia's family and a multitude of other things. But throughout the entire night, Clarke's thoughts - and eyes - kept wandering to the quiet girl behind the bar. There was something about her that made her want to go back up and talk to her more, even if Lexa herself seemed a little shy.

Eventually, Octavia and Lincoln decided that it was time to leave. Raven complained profusely that 11pm was no time to be leaving a bar, but even Clarke had to agree with the other two. She had drank more than she intended to when she arrived and she was more than ready to go home.  
As the four of them exited the booth, Octavia pulled out her phone to call a taxi. Lincoln held the door for them, but Clarke hesitated.  
"You guys head out, I'll meet you outside."  
Lincoln raised an eyebrow, but nodded and said nothing. He followed the other two women outside leaving Clarke to herself.

She turned around and slowly approach the bar again. Lexa stood there, pouring a shot of whisky for the last customer of the night - a scruffy looking man with a beard and a mohawk.  
As she got near, both Lexa and the man turned to face Clarke.

"Hi, Lexa, I was wondering if I could have a moment?"  
Lexa looked surprised, but stammered out a answer.  
"Uh, Yeah sure." They walked a few feet away from the bearded man. "How can I help?"  
Clarke paused.  
"I was wondering if you'd be interested in hanging out sometime. Together."  
Lexa stared at her, but didn't speak. Clarke wondered what thoughts were going back and forth behind those incredible brown eyes. There was a brief silence before Lexa said anything. 

"I… Um…" She blinked.  
"I mean, You don't have to if you don't want to?" Clarke stared at her own feet "Sorry, It's probably weird, i shouldn't have asked."  
"No no, it's okay. I just… People don't usually ask to hang out with me." She grimaced. There was another silence.

"You don't have to say yes." Clarke suddenly realised she may have been too forward "If you don't want to that's okay, I just think you're interesting and I enjoyed talking to you earlier and-"  
"I'd love to." Lexa interrupted Clarke's rambling, surprising her.  
"Okay, awesome." Clarke smiled. She fetched her phone out of her pocket and handed it to the brunette. "Just put your number in here, and I'll write mine down for you, and, um, we can organise something…"

She was flustered and slightly embarrassed. They traded phone numbers and exchanged awkward smiles, and Clarke returned her phone to its home in her jacket.  
"I should go, my friends are waiting for me outside." She started walking backwards, still focused on Lexa, standing there with a smile on her face. "I'll, um… I'll text you."  
She reached the door, and pushed it open, chuckling to helself as she imagined what Raven was going to say.

*** 

Gustus took another sip of whisky and cleared his throat, getting Lexa's attention.  
"Well that was certainly something to watch." He chuckled, and Lexa blushed.  
"Why did I do that?" Lexa buried her face in her hands. "Why did I say yes?"  
This time, Gustus laughed.  
"Because you like her?"  
"I'm not… I don't even know her that well, Gus! And I'm not supposed to get attached to people, I'm not supposed to… I have rules!"

Gus swallowed another mouthful of whisky.  
"Why not? You think she's pretty, and she asked you out. So you said yes." He shrugged. "Break the rules, just this once."  
"Hmm.." Lexa hummed in disagreement, but still she couldn't stop her thoughts from returning to the gorgeous blonde smiling as she left the bar. 

As bad she knew in her mind this decision was, she couldn't deny that she was excited. She liked Clarke. It was nice talking to have someone to talk to, not feeling so closed in all the time. Just something about being around her felt… nice.

She knew it was a bad idea. She hadn't dated anyone since Costia, and she hadn't even allowed herself to get close to anyone. She couldn't. It was dangerous and selfish and she had long accepted that attachments were never a good idea for people like her.  
No friends, no dating, no drawing attention to yourself. That was the rule.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH that was the longest its ever taken me to write a chapter mostly because i gave up on this fic a long while ago - but im back! hopefully! thank you all for being patient and i hope people are still reading this???
> 
> hope it was good, im not good at slow burn this is the first time ive written stuff like this so im doing my best. it'll get better as they get more in love. probably.


	4. Is This a Date?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a lot of dialogue so I'm really sorry, but thats sort of how this chapter panned out.
> 
> Lexa has nightmares, Clarke has a guest and they both have a date(?).

_Fear. The smell of blood and sweat. Someone calling her name. No… screaming her name. Running. A girl, her hair curly and black, stumbling away. Crying. She can't run, not fast enough. She screams again…_

"Lexa!"

Lexa sat bolt upright, out of breath. She was in her bed, wrapped in sheets, damp with sweat. Her room, still dark, but familiar. Safe. She exhaled heavily and looked to the door, where Anya stood with a worried look on her face.

"Hey." Anya spoke softly. "You okay?"  
"I um… I don't know." Lexa's head was still reeling, trying to wake up.  
Anya furrowed her brow.  
"You were shouting."  
"Nightmare. I'm okay, really. Just a bad dream."  
The two women looked at each other through the dark in silence for a moment. Anya nodded slowly. Lexa knew Anya didn't believe her, but neither of them were going to say anything about it.   
"Just… Look after yourself okay Lex?"  
"Yeah, I'll do my best." 

As Anya left the room, Lexa flopped down on the bed again and she felt the sweat on her back again. The nightmares had been a fairly regular occurrence for nearly a year now, but the sleep-talking was new. Sleep-shouting.   
She rolled over and grabbed her phone, wondering how late it was. The glowing screen told her it was a little past 3 in the morning, not yet dawn. But what surprised Lexa more was the small blinking icon saying she had a new text message from an unknown number. She clicked it open.

[23:08] - Hey! it's Clarke sorry i havent messaged in the last few days. work has been hectic :P i have a day off tomorrow so maybe you want to grab coffee?

Lexa sat up again and rubbed her eyes. Her stomach fluttered. It had been nearly a week since she had given her number to Clarke and she had almost resigned herself to not hearing from her at all. Something about her made Lexa smile. The way she laughed made her feel…  
No. She couldn't let herself become attached. Not like that.

She typed back.

[03:08] - coffee would be great. There's a cafe around the corner from Polis, i could meet you there at 11?

Lexa paused and considered a moment before continuing to press keys on her phone.

[03:09] - sorry for the 3am text. couldnt sleep.

***  
Clarke made her way into the kitchen for breakfast, to find it more crowded than usual at 10 in the morning. Not only was Raven - a notoriously late riser - sitting at the kitchen bench, but Octavia was there as well. The two of them were bickering loudly about wedding plans.

"It's either grey with red or red with white."  
Raven jabbed her finger at a photo Octavia was holding.  
"I'm not wearing that."  
"Well it's that or the Grey one."  
"I'm not wearing the grey one either."  
"Well you have to pick one of them!"  
Clarke decided this was her moment to step in.  
"What's this all about?"

Octavia explained that the dresses were for her bridesmaids, for the wedding in mid spring. Raven, her maid of honour, was unimpressed with the choice of design and colour. Clarke had been chosen to be her second bridesmaid, and Lincoln's younger sister the third.

Clarke glanced at the two pictures for a moment. Each dress was fine, but neither one was particularly pretty. Still, she thought, lesser of two evils.  
"The grey one." She declared. Octavia gave a quiet 'thank you' as Clarke turned to her housemate. "I'm going out today. Not sure when I'll be home.  
Raven's eyebrows went up.  
"Oh?"

"I'm getting coffee today. With Lexa."  
"Coffee, huh?" Raven's voice was dripping with smugness, which would have annoyed the hell out of Clarke if she hadn't been in such a good mood.   
"Yes, just coffee." Clarke chided her.  
"And nothing else?"  
"And nothing else." Yet, she thought to herself. "We're just getting lunch."

Raven raised an eyebrow and stared at Clarke from the kitchen counter.   
"Except you like her and this is basically a date."  
Clarke rolled her eyes and picked up her bag. However much she hated to admit, Raven was right. Clarke was definitely attracted to the gorgeous bartender. Her voice was sweet and strong, and she smelled inexplicably like home.  
"It's not a date, Raven!" She said, as she pocketed her keys and made for the door. As she closed the door, she heard Raven's voice across the house through a mouthful of cereal.  
"It's totally a date!!!"

***

Lexa stood waiting outside the cafe, her hands distractedly playing with the sleeve of her jacket. Of all the things to be feeling, how was she nervous? Was this a date? Lexa figured she should have asked if it was a date before agreeing to go out with Clarke. She couldn't even remember why she HAD agreed to this. Relationships - romantic or otherwise - were how people got hurt. 

The idea of bailing and texting Clarke a crappy apology later had barely formed in her head when a familiar face appeared in the cafe beside her.  
"Lexa, hey!"  
Clarke's face lit up the room, and Lexa could feel her the butterflies in her stomach again. 

"Clarke. Hi." Lexa smiled, trying not to show how anxious she was.  
"It's good to see you."   
"Yeah, same to you."  
The two of them stood in awkward silence for a moment, and Lexa almost forgot herself in the crystal blue eyes staring back her. God damn and her lips...  
"Oh, uh… Coffee?" She muttered eventually.   
"Sure." Clarke flashed a grin, and- _Did she just bite her lip? Surely not._ Mentally, Lexa scolded herself for imagining things.

After ordering coffee, they began to meander through town. Neither of them thought too much where they were going, they just walked and talked to each other.  
Lexa discovered early on that Clarke was a rambler - Art, music, work, her friends - She would talk on and on about things she loved to no end if you let her. Lexa liked that. She herself wasn't very talkative, so she found it easy to take in all that her friend was saying and offer the occasional 'hmm' or 'oh wow' when prompted.

They found their way almost by accident to the local gardens. As they walked through the gates, Clarke turned the conversation towards the topic of Lexa.  
"I feel like I've been talking too much, what about you?"  
"What about me?" Lexa stared at her shoes as she walked.   
"Tell me about yourself. I know you work at a bar, you have a older sister, and… thats it." Clarke nudged her playfully with her elbow. "Who is Lexa Woods?"  
Lexa shrugged. She hated this. Every time someone asked her to talk about herself she suddenly became the least interesting person in the world.   
"What do you want to know?"  
Clarke feigned a sigh of exasperation.

"Okay, well… What's your favourite colour?"  
Lexa thought for a moment.  
"Um… Red?"  
"You don't know your own favourite colour?'"  
Lexa looked up to argue and found a playful grin on the beautiful face looking back at her. She was teasing.  
"Red."

"Right then. Favourite food?"  
"Pasta. Carbonara."  
Clarke nodded amicably and sipped her coffee.  
"Bacon. Good choice." She thought for a moment. "Cats or dogs?"  
"I think I'm more of a dog person."

The words escaped her mouth before she thought about it, and by the time they had made it to her brain, she could only hang her head and swear under her breath at the stupidity of it all. The more she thought about it, the sillier it got and she started to chuckle.  
Clarke gave her a quizzical look but said nothing, clearly waiting for Lexa to explain what was so funny.  
"Don't worry about it" She said "It sort of an inside joke. With my sister."  
It was half true - Anya would have smiled at the joke, even if just for the fact that maybe Lexa was letting some anxiety out.

"Right then…" Clarke hesitated "Actually, I have a question, if you don't mind?"  
Somewhere in Lexa's brain, a little red light went off. No-one ever started a fun conversation with 'can i ask a question'.   
_She's going to ask about the forest,_ thought Lexa. _Why I was out there alone._  
She started running through excuses in her mind, trying to find one that seemed plausible and not too weird, but the question from Clarke's lips stopped her dead in the process.

"Is this a date?"  
"Uh…" Lexa hadn't been expecting to hear that, and so was completely unprepared.  
Clarke kept talking, much to Lexa's relief.  
"I mean, I know I asked you out today but like… Do you want this to be a date?"  
Lexa stood, mouth half-open, trying to formulate a response.  
"I… I don't… I have rules, that…"

Clarke's face dropped, and her head fell to her hands.  
"I'm so sorry, I think I misinterpreted this and I've embarrassed you…" She made a frustrated groaning sound "I'm so sorry Lexa, I was just trying to-"  
"I like you, Clarke." Lexa stammered, interrupting her. "I like you a lot, but I don't- I can't…"  
There was a pause, and they stared at each other for a moment. Lexa cautiously decided to continue.

"You're really nice and fun and you're really pretty, but I can't date you. My last girlfriend-" She hadn't spoken about Costia to anyone other than Anya, and even she had agreed not to bring it up. "People I care about get hurt. Because of me. And I don't want to hurt anyone, least of all you."

They stood facing each other for a minute, Lexa unsure whether say something or not. After a moment, Clarke spoke.  
"I like you too Lexa. You're really sweet, and I appreciate you trying to look out for me." Lexa nodded slowly, so Clarke continued "But I can look out for myself. So unless this is your way of saying you hit people-"  
"NO! God no, I would never."  
"-Good. Then I'm not going to stop trying. I know we haven't known each other long, but I really like you."

Lexa thought about the girl standing in front of her, and whether Clarke would still stay the same if she knew what happened to Costia. Lexa was being selfish, she knew she was. Wanting to be with Clarke would only risk Clarke's safety, not Lexa's. But this strong-willed woman in front of her knew what she wanted and against all sensibility Lexa wanted her too.

"Okay." Lexa said quietly.  
"Okay?"  
"It's a date." She gave Clarke a small smile. The blonde beamed back at her.  
"It's a date."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so much for 'slow burn'. I have the next few chapters planned (but not written yet) and i'm trying to space it out as much as possible. But needless to say they're gonna properly date soon-ish.
> 
> I'm trying to keep up the writing lately by getting just 500 words a day and it seems to be working bc after a year off, ive managed to pump out 2 chapters in a little over a week so thats fun - i hope my quality of content isnt suffering bc of it and i hope that y'all would tell me if it was?
> 
> oh, and: more werewolf-related chapters coming soon, its just bc werewolves only do the thing once a month that it makes it hard to make things ALL WEREWOLF ALL THE TIME. im sure you understand
> 
> by the way, i'm miresmalice on tumblr so like, come say hi or whatever

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments and let me know what you think! I'd really appreciate feedback on this so I know what to do better next time. :)


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